I have never been particularly good at letting go, especially when it comes to people or experiences.

In my heart I have equated it with giving up. I love finding potential in people, I love dreaming about what’s right around the corner, and once I’ve seen what could be I hold on tightly. This isn’t a new phenomenon in my life. In fact I have been known to stay in groups, friendships and other unhealthy relationships much longer then I should have. In high school I stayed on the basketball team with the dream of getting off the bench. It wasn’t until the very last game of my senior year that I realized it wasn’t going to happen. I stayed in an unhealthy relationship, a high school boyfriend, through most of college even though I should have just let it go the first time we broke up. But instead I held on to a dream that should have died.

I am not saying that dreaming is bad. Please do not misinterpret that. There is nothing wrong with setting goals that are even outside your current reach, if we didn’t we would never reach anything. What I am saying is there is a time and place to move on. When we hold on tightly to relationships and dreams that are not meant to be we do not make room in our lives for what is meant to be and we may be robbing others of what should be happening in their life.

Letting go does not equal giving up, sometimes letting go is sacrificing where it hurts the most.

Dreams


Even the impossible dreams are worth pursuing. Take Daniel Eugene “Rudy” Ruettiger for example. Rudy dreams of playing for Notre Dame and gives it all he has to make it happen. He has a drive and a passion for his dream that is extraordinary. (click on the picture to the left to watch the movie or get the book here: Rudy: My Story.)

So I’ve just contradicted myself haven’t I. Not really. The thing is Rudy did not just have a dream. He had the stamina and drive behind the dream to get him there. He had people in his life encouraging him on, routing for him. YES he had those who doubted him but he also had those like Fortune who believed in him.

Holding on to a dream that you do not have the stamina, determination, or drive to follow through on is foolish. I say I stayed on the basketball team to long. I rode the bench for 3 years. Yes I wanted it. Yes I practiced everyday. No I did not always give it my all in practice or spend long hours on the court practicing free throws or running sprints when noone else was looking. I wanted something that I did not give my all for. My focus was divided on friends, volleyball, writing, graduating as an honor student, and working. None of which were bad.

Dreams take sacrifice. It has taken me a very long time to realize I can not have it all. Had I let go of basketball it would have freed me up to pursue other dreams more fully. A realization that one direction is not the correct path is not the same as giving up.

Jobs and Callings

Today is my last day at work. I have been employed as the Ministry Director at a small church in El Paso for 5 years now. This was one of the hardest decisions I have ever made in my life. It did not come easy. Rather it came through long conversations with a career coach, my husband, prayer, and listening to the needs of my children.

When I first enrolled at Dallas Theological Seminary I was unsure of the direction that God was leading me in. I knew that I wanted to do ministry I just did not know what form that was going to take. When I graduated from DTS I immediately began searching churches. What I found were shut doors. I ended up going back to the position I had in college with Fellowship of Christian Athletes as an Administrative Assistant. I loved my time with FCA and working with Robert Upshaw. It was the perfect job to have when our daughter was diagnosed with cancer (read more of our story with Retinoblastoma here). It allowed me the freedom and flexibility to focus on her health while still being employed.

However, administration was and is not my passion.

When coming on as the Ministry Director at Sunrise Baptist Church became a reality I was ecstatic. Finally! I was being given an opportunity to work in ministry. I couldn’t be more excited and I jumped in full force.

Over the course of the next five years I filled the roles of Youth Leader, Women’s Ministry, Children’s Ministry, Event Planner…. and the list goes on. I loved working. I love working. So much so at times it became my number one. I pour everything into ministering to others, holding onto and pursuing growth in individuals and in numbers, following my calling to help others grow more fully in Christ.

But I neglected someone. Me.

In doing so my own health and my family began to suffer and it became time to resign.

What Now

I am excited to begin this new phase of my life. Two things have become very clear over the course of the last few months. Two things that I love dearly have been neglected: my family and writing.

So here I am fully committed to the well being of my family and declaring my occupation as Writer. My focus for my family is on their well-being, health, and education. I am free to pour more time into homeschooling and establishing a healthier lifestyle for all of us. I am working as an Independent Consultant for Arbonne as part of that goal (you can read more about that here) while upturning a few of our busy on the go habits we’ve created over the last few years.

As we begin this new phase there will be many changes. One of which is boundaries. Come back later this week as I talk about Letting Go: Do your friendships have healthy boundaries?.

Be sure to leave your thoughts in the comments below. Is there something in your life you’ve been holding onto that maybe it’s time to let go?