School is so close to being over. Perhaps it’s the warmer days or having completed the STARR test, whatever the reason the mean girls have gotten meaner.

Bullies don’t just hurt one. Their actions have multiple victims. They divide a community and destroy the atmosphere, whether it be an academic one or club of some kind. It takes the focus off of the group’s vision and redirects it inward. And inward focus is destructive.

There are many bullies throughout the Bible which give us glimpses of how to respond.

In my book Finding Joy: The Year Apart That Made Me A Better Wife I talk a great deal about Esther, but I never mention Haman the antagonist of the story. Haman is a bully who seeks the life of the Jews. His style is non-confrontational, calling on others to do his dirty work and relying on his position to keep him safe. He seeks power to destroy those he hates, and for awhile it appears that he will be successful. But Esther rises to the occasion, is the voice of strength for her people. She is an example to us today to rise to the occasion and speak up for those who can not do so, even when it puts us at risk.

In 2 Kings 11, we meet Athaliah. Athaliah’s son has been murdered and so she lashes out and begins to kill the entire royal family. She is the epitome of the cliche, “hurt people, hurt people.” She is a reminder to us all that those who lash out have often experienced great pain.

My children and our neighbor are currently dealing with the Queen of the playground who has managed to rally other girls around her in a gang mentality to attack the weaker ones of the group. The bully gang works together to bring down someone who otherwise they wouldn’t be able to touch. In Daniel 6 we see Daniel’s accusers do just this to King Darius as they try to destroy Daniel. And they are nearly successful.

King David… I pick on him often. He was a bully to Bathsheba, he raped her and murdered her husband. But King David is also a reminder that bullies can change.

My daughter has a strong personality, she is driven to help others. She amazes me with her ability to be like Esther and speak up for others in situations I would find frightening. But it has put her into the line of fire as well. We talk constantly about learning the stories of others because once we understand their own hurt we know better how to reach out and love them. But we’ve moved past the one antagonist and entered the world of bully gangs.

Here is what we are learning together in this new life adventure:

• Hurt people, hurt people. We are to love them in their pain but also guard our own heart. That means we hold our own secrets close. We can love wisely without giving them easy access to hurt us. Trust is earned rather than used to gain friendship.
• Be honest. Let them know they have crossed a line but do so politely showing them the kindness and respect you wish from them. “I would like to be your friend but I am not comfortable around you when you talk to me like that,” is a great starting point.
• Finding a common goal takes the focus off of us inwardly and realigns our vision to doing good for others. It could be as simple as a community service project, a gymnastics routine, or helping younger children at lunch. The goal is to find something you both believe passionately about and work together.
• Sometimes you can’t fight your own battles. The other person may have you in their sites for a reason unknown to you (perhaps jealousy, an unintentional slight, or you simply get on their nerves). Occasionally other have to step in for you. In this case, an adult is needed. A teacher needs to be informed as well as the school guidance counselor. Someone who has authority over the situation must fight your battle for you.
• From the very beginning, pray for them and for your own heart. Perhaps there is something in your heart that needs to change as well as in theirs. Pray that God will help you love them. Loving the Unloveable is hard at times but helps us remember that we are all broken.

Whether it is you who is dealing with mean adults or helping your children find courage in the face of the playground bully, I’m praying for you today. Would covet your prayers for my children as well as this mama bear’s heart.

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