I’ve been trying to find the words to say. My heart is broken and the act of writing normally brings healing. But words have been hard for me to find.

My children are mourning, they lost a friend and my friend lost a child. The world is different today. I close my eyes and all I see is a child’s radiant smile, her kindness, and energy. I open my eyes and the words “finding joy in everyday” feel like a suckerpunch.

How do I find joy today? Where is it in the midst of crippling grief?

We are coming to the end of Lent, a time of self-reflection and realignment of our values with Christ’s (see Giving Our Best During Lent). Next week we will mourn the tragedy of the cross and celebrate His resurrection. I both dread the quite reflection of Maundy Thursday and crave the time set apart for remembrance. When words fail me I need remembrance and ritual. I need the communion table to remind me that God is with us in the midst of grief.

This tragedy hit hard. I keep waiting for someone to wake us up, to say it was all just a nightmare and to give us back our friend. And I keep suppressing the voice that says no, this is real. The world is not as bright today.

In John 13, when the Lord stoops down to wash His disciples feet and Peter tells Him to stop, the Lord replies in vs 7 “You do not understand what I am doing now, but you will understand after these things.” Lord, help me understand because we are broken and do not. Before the tragedy of the cross He is reminding his disciples of His love for them and how they are to love one another and He is showing them how to remember Him through both communion and service. That’s what Maundy Thursday is about. A place carved out in our busy lives to sit and remember Christ as the one who washed feet, who loved the unloveable, who died for us despite the rejection, who loved unconditionally and fiercly, and calls us to do the same in the midst of our pain.

During Lent we studied the Book of Job at First Presbyterian. Last Sunday my children performed in a musical production called “Consider Job.” My daughter played the part of God and on the day of the play stepped into the part of Satan as well (the role was her brother’s who was home sick). Needless to say, the story of Job is now etched into my children’s memory in both verse and song. So when we sat them down Sunday after church to tell them of the passing of their friend, they had the vocabulary and theology necessary to struggle with profound questions. It’s not pretty, it’s messy. But they found their voice to say it’s not fair, to share their anger and hurt, but as the solo my daughter sang reminded them not to make God a sinner to feel as though they are saints. We can not understand the mind of God yet we can still cry out to him in our grief.

Good Friday approaches and I feel the empty ache that comes with death, the uncontrollable longing to make things right. The loss of what should have been is crippling and the world is darker.

Psalm 22 describes the throws of grief, the pain of loss. But it also reminds us that God is not far off. Good Friday proceeds the celebration of Easter. The cross was necessary for the victory of resurrection. Just as we need the space of remembrance that Maundy Thursday gives, we need the celebration and promise of resurrection that comes with Easter. One day we will be reunited with our friend. That does not remove the sting of death today, the emptiness that we feel, but it is hope for our tomorrows.

My prayer for you as you grieve, as my children grieve, as I grieve is that we will find our hope in the resurection of Christ and remember the beauty and joy of our friend. May the memory of her kindness impact our lives every day we breathe.

If you would like to help our friend in the expense of medical and funeral bills you can do so through the Go Fund Me Campaign set up in her honor.

Please excuse the spelling, grammar, and any other errors found in this post. It was written through many tears.

[reminder]

2016 Revised Common Lectionary / Maundy Thursday & Good Friday / March 24th & 27th

You May Also Find Comfort and Direction in:

If Our hearts are broken…. touched you, you may also find comfort and direction in the following articles. I have pulled them together for you right here!

For more book reviews, Bible studies, and finding joy in the everyday sign up for the newsletter. I hate spam too and will not flood your inboxes or share your email address.