My Prayer for You as You Grieve

Today I’m left thinking about all of the people who have come and gone in our lives. Some were only here for a fleeting moment, some lingered longer, all left an impact in one way or another.

Death has robbed us of family and friends, of battle-buddies and co-workers. But death has not won. It hasn’t stolen our spirit to press on, it hasn’t tainted our memories, and it has not stolen our hope.

I am currently reading The Difference You Make: Changing Your World through the Impact of Your Influence by Pat Williams. One of the main points seems to be that we all have influence, it’s what we choose to do with that influence that will define us. Often times the impact we leave we never even know about.

As a military family we have learned the art of saying goodbye to both family and friends. I’m not saying we are good at it or that it is ever graceful or pretty. It’s messy and painful the majority of the time. I remember the first deployment farewell. We did not even make it to the busses. My husband an hour or so in said, “You need to leave now.” He couldn’t drag it out any longer, and honestly I couldn’t either. It was the kind of pain that wraps its fingers around your gut and squeezes till there’s nothing left. It was the dread more than the goodbye itself. Our daughter, who was barely 4, resisted. On our way out she grabbed every fence, column, car bumper, person, everything in arms reach and let out wails of grief. We did not leave one dry eye in our wake. Goodbyes can be ugly. It’s never easy to let go.

War has taken so many of my husband’s friends. Yet it has not tainted the memories of the men and women it stole. Suicide has grabbed hold of friends and their families and left a sting. But as we watch the survivors and the ones who have been left behind, even those goodbyes have not robbed the living of hope. There is hope that this world can be better, in large part because of the impact of those who have already left, and there is hope that we will one day see them again.

Today marks the one year anniversary of the death of a friend. She was diagnosed with thyroid cancer August of 2013 and said goodbye January 13, 2014. One day before her 50^th birthday. Yolanda Upshaw was so many things in this life. She was a loving wife and a sacrificial mother. She loved Christ and she had a beautiful voice she worshiped with in song.

The first time I heard Yolanda sing was at my wedding. She sang The Prayer by Celine Dion and Andrea Bocelli. That song is now my prayer for her husband and children and friends,

“Let this be our prayer/ When shadows fill our days/ Lead us to a place/ Guide us with your grace.”

As they grieve today, as you grieve for a loved one, may you find God’s grace in the darkest places and find hope in your tomorrows.

Robert Upshaw and I are writing about the legacy of Yolanda. Capturing the moments from her diagnosis to today, a year after her death. To read more visit Birthdays (Not) a Big Deal and The Drive to Houston-Our Anniversary.