Last weekend my husband and I went on an Army sponsored Marriage Retreat. During the weekend the topic came up of things our significant others do to annoy us. From leaving the toilet seat up to playing video games to being a slob and never having dinner on the table in time, couples were throwing each other’s flaws out there for all to see. Thankfully my husband and I have been together long enough to know our marriage would be better to just keep our mouths shut. So he didn’t out me on never refilling the toilet paper roll or leaving my books piled around the house even though I know it drives him crazy. We were all given just enough rope to hang ourselves before the Chaplain made his point. He told a story of a couple where the man was leaving his piles of newspapers all around the house to the exhaustion of his wife. Then one day he died and she discovered the thing she missed most was his pile of newspapers.
I can relate. When my husband first joined the army the boots and dusty gear around the house drove me crazy. When he deployed I missed it. I missed his boots by the front door and his uniform jacket drapped over the back of the kitchen chair. Cliche sounding I know but they were reminders that he was with me, that we were doing life together.
We have been together 15 years this month. We’ve definietly had our share of ugly fights. I may or may not have thrown a laundry basket at him our first year of marriage (I refuse to admit anything). The things that we found endearing about each other when we first met slowly turned into annoyances. It took awhile to realize we couldn’t change each other that those things we each did were not done out of a desire to irritate, they were done because it is just part of who we are as flawed human beings trying our best to make it day to day.
We’ve learned to look past the outward flaws we each have and instead focus on the intent, or lack of intent. It’s the heart of the matter.
Look past the outward flaws and focus on the intent. It's the heart of the matter. Click To TweetClick on the image below to see my new book on Amazon! Find lots of stories on our crazy military marriage and what we have learned through the years.
Motivations of the Heart
We read in Mark 7 that the Pharisees and religious scholars confronted Christ because his disciples were not playing by the rules. They weren’t adhering to the acceptable traditions. Instead of washing their hands, food, and plates in the ritualistic manner in which the religious leaders approved they were eating food with dirty hands.
Instead of correcting the disciples or thanking the religious leaders for pointing out the error of their ways… Jesus rebuked the leaders.
He said to them, “Isaiah prophesied correctly about you hypocrites, as it is written:
‘This people honors me with their lips,
but their heart 9 is far from me.
They worship me in vain,
teaching as doctrine the commandments of men.’ 10
Christ accused the religious leaders of abandoning the commandments of God and holding instead to the traditions taught by man.
Now, I can understand why the Pharisees and religious leaders were confused. In 1 Samuel 15:22 the Lord rejects King Saul for disobedience. Through his prophet Samuel the Lord said to Saul, “obedience 33 is better than sacrifice; paying attention is better than 34 the fat of rams.” King Saul is then rejected as King of Israel and God’s favor turns towards an unknown shephered boy David, the future king.
What that says to me, all alone, is that I better get things right. It is better to get it right the first time then to ask for forgiveness later. I actually sympathize with the religious leaders and the Pharisees in Mark 7. I understand the need to feel like my theology is 100% correct, that there is no room for error. I’ve spent many nights wrestling through my own theology wondering where my errors are, because I know I have them. I am human after all.
In Mark 7, just as he often does, Jesus is increasing our understanding of what it is God is asking of us. Jesus is drawing us a little closer to understanding God. Our creator is asking for our hearts, not just obedience, and not just sacrifice. God is less concerned with our diets and our full understanding of the law and more concerned with our hearts. God is more concerned with whether or not I’m leaving my books lying around the house to irritate my husband or if I’m doing it because I’m just a book worm and ran out of bookshelves. They are two very different things that have the same outward appearance. Read Part 2
Come Back Monday for Part 2 and find out if your husband leaving the toilet seat up is really just an evil plot.
Please note: I reserve the right to delete comments that are offensive or off-topic.