Military Spouses: We are in this together

I was 27 when my husband decided to re-enter the military. After six years of marriage and two children I had braced my self for the idea that he would re-enter law enforcement. The Army was not something I expected. In fact when he first mentioned enlisting I enlisted the help of good friends to run an intervention. My knowledge of the military came from hallmark movies, pictures of my grandparents, and vets at the homeless shelter I volunteered at in college.

Our son was three, our daughter was one and only a few months following her cancer diagnosis and enucleation. Needless to say I was stunned.

I was once new at this too

Right before he left for bootcamp we discovered baby number three would be joining our family. I moved in with my parents to begin the transition to military life as John spent the next few months in boot camp and AIT.

When we finally arrived at Ft. Bliss I was only two and half months away from our due date. We settled in quickly and began to nest. A week after the baby was born we were offered a house on post and eagerly took it. I quickly discovered I was the oldest one in my neighborhood but more lost and inexperienced in all things Army then those around me.

I was the one they came to for relationship advice and childcare, for peanut butter and diapers when they ran out, and for dinner when their empty houses were to much. They were the ones I asked for help with acronyms, memorizing rank, and military resources.

I have never fit in so comfortably and so quickly into any other environment. There is something about the military life that sucks you in and embraces you. Friendships form instantly, but unfortunately so do enemies.

Drama hides lonely hearts

We can be so cruel to the newbies who are unsure of who to ask and of where to ask. We snap pictures of Military Ball flops and post them all over Facebook shaming one another. We gossip about who we saw coming out of our neighbors home while her husband was deployed. We look for drama to distract us from our own lonely hearts. We love our military neighbors with one breath and label them as stereotypical dependas in the next.

I’ve had my share of stupid pour out of my mouth. More so in the first year where my knowledge came from the tv showArmy Wives, then now when it comes from my life. But occasionally, more probably then I would like to admit, the stupidity still slips out. And I am thankful for the grace of military spouses who quietly correct me, love me despite my flaws, and seek my well-being rather then the opportunity to tear me down.

Gossip, slander, and viciousness is not something I put up with in this community. Our lives our difficult enough. I no longer associate with the spouses who tear one another down, who call child services on one another because they no longer like each other, who fly off the handle about their rights, who are cruel and show no grace, who spread the gossip of unfaithfulness from across an ocean though they have no proof..

Proverbs 22:24-25 says “Do not make friends with a hot-tempered man, do not associate with one easily angered, or you may learn his ways and get yourself ensnared.” I no longer tolerate the bullies because I do not want to become one, nor do I want my children to think I approve.

We are all in this together

Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 says, “Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work: If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up!” The friendships I have made in this life as a military spouse have been precious. They have helped me when I’ve struggled, when I’ve let the stupid out, when I’ve fallen. I have had a few that our goodbyes have hurt deeply because the support we had for one another was so strong. We lifted each other up during deployments. Never would we have thought to tear one another down.

Here is my challenge to you. Stop. Stop harassing one another. Love one another. Extend grace. When mistakes are made quietly and kindly offer guidance. We were all new to this life once and we are all in this together.