Loving the unloveable was first published on The Middle Places in 2016, the site has since been deactivated. I’m pulling this one out from the archives and sharing it with you here today. Enjoy!
Loving the unloveable
We’ve all had them. That person in our life who is difficult to love. Let’s call them our crazy uncle (dear uncles if you are reading this know this is not about you, I promise).
They create moments in life where loving is hard. Have you been there? Maybe a friend, a season, a relative?
Eight years ago my husband re-enlisted in the Army. He was excited to begin our new life while I was hesitant. The one thing selling me on this adventure was moving. I love traveling and finding new places, meeting new people, and having the opportunity to experience many cultures. I saw Germany and Seattle, Alaska, and Georgia as possibilities as we began our new journey traveling the globe.
August 1, 2016, will mark the day eight years ago we arrived in the desert of Fort Bliss in El Paso, TX. And we are still here.
My crazy uncle and El Paso
We are one of those anomalies in military life. One of the few who is placed somewhere and stays put. Prior to our military life, even as a child, moving every few years was the norm for me. John and I spent our first three years of marriage in Dallas then three years in Conway, AR. We thought the trend would continue, what we didn’t know is we would be planting roots in El Paso and spending the next eight years of married life in the desert.
So what do my crazy uncle and El Paso have in common? Well, they both can be a little hard to love. I’ve been blooming at Ft. Bliss but I’m still struggling to sit patiently beside my crazy uncle and love him unconditionally.
Recently, I thought back on the concrete steps I took to finding joy in the everyday at Bliss, and I’m left realizing the same can be applied to my crazy uncle. Because let’s face it, there are some family members who show up to everything, and it’s usually the ones hardest to love that end up sitting beside you at every single family function so we have to find a way to love them. The alternative – being miserable – just doesn’t work.
When I showed up at Bliss, it was obvious that there were two groups of people, those who grumbled through their desert experience and those who embraced it. I began as a grumbler, but I’ve since learned to find beauty all around.
Here’s the thing, for every place and every person there are people who love them. Why? Because they are beautiful creations with unique attributes all their own. The desert sunset, the blooming cacti, the jackrabbits my children mistake for kangaroos. God when He created the earth said, It is good. God when He created mankind said the same.
One change makes loving the unloveable possible
I discovered early on the areas of town that were fun to visit, and the areas I would be better off avoiding. The west side of town has better restaurants while the east side has some of my favorite places to shop.
Mapping out the city helped navigate my days. It is the same in families, and boundaries are the map to navigating our relationships. Healthy boundaries in relationships are important and if they are being crossed, a sit-down heart-to-heart needs to happen!
Most importantly the moment I realized my attitude toward Bliss made all the difference, things began to change.
No matter what I did the city was not going to change for me, it refused to adapt to my wants. Planting gardens filled with native Arkansas plants left me with plants that kept dying. The habitat refused to adapt, so I had to adapt to it. The same is true of people.
We are not responsible for the actions or attitudes of others, only our own. If we want to see change occur, it has to be in our own heart. Asking God to help us love the hard to love is an important place to start. It is amazing to see how God adapts our hearts.
When it comes to loving the unlovable, whether a place or a person, we must start in our own heart.
Where is God pushing you to love when it is hard? What place or person makes you grit your teeth? How are you changing the way you see your situation/relationship?
