How to reach the families of special needs children in your church?

There is something amazingly unique about parents with special needs kids. The little things don’t get to them. They have faced major life challenges, dealt with their theology of God’s goodness, have a whole different understanding of patience, have already tested and proven unconditional love, and practice self-sacrificial parenting. As church leaders and sunday school teachers we need to stand by them, support them, and become knowledgable in how to minister to their entire family.

When they walk into our classrooms their defenses are up. If there is one thing they have learned (wether in the church, schools, or in doctor’s offices) they are the only voice, the only advocate fighting for their child. As ministry leaders we need to respect and honor their voices. What may appear to us as sensitivity is actually years of standing in the gap, shielding and fighting for their child to be accepted and loved by others.

How can you reach the families of special needs kids in your church?

A huge thank you to Family Christian for sponsoring this post.

All thoughts and opinions are my own!

When my daughter was diagnosed with Cancer at 6 months of age that left her blind in one eye (Our St Jude story and how it began) we entered the world of special needs and EFMP (military acronym for Exceptional Family Member Program). Now, nearly 8 years later, I sometimes forget that we fall in this category. Most people are not aware of her disability. Since growing past the phase of popping out her prosthetic eye and sucking on it (I believe that ended at the age of 3) we have not had to leave cautions with childcare workers. Our daughter is capable of sitting where necessary to be able to see, of remembering to wear her glasses to protect her vision, of asking friends for help when necessary.

It is important to get to know each individual child that comes to us. One mother said it best, “They are like onions in a sense. They have special needs layers, but if they trust you enough to let you peel them back, there is a regular kid with regular wants and desires, just like anybody else. Many of these kids have a strong fear reflex and anxiety. The key is to make them feel safe and to instill a sense of trust.” Isn’t that what every kid needs and an atmosphere which every church strives for, a feeling of safety and trust? If not, we should be. But how?

Through Training

We begin by educating our staff and volunteers. Start simple by providing a resource library that is accessible to everyone. A great place to begin is with Special Needs Smart Pages: Advice, Answers & Articles about Ministering to Children with Special Needs [with CDROM and DVD] by Joni and Friends, and Special Needs Ministry for Children by Pat Verbal. Both books provide advice on how to create an atmosphere of comfort for the students. They provide stories, testimonials, advice, and resources.

In addition, create trainings that incorporate special needs and trainings. In the past we have had local representatives from Child Evangelism Fellowship (CEF) conduct half day trainings for our volunteers. We set aside a portion of the time for a teacher certified in Special Education to share with us techniques to engage and maintain control in the classroom. At the time our special needs were spread across the autism spectrum. We watched a short video (you can find a number of different ones on youtube) explaining autism and showing us what the child actually experiences when overstimulated.

At the end of the training those in attendance were sent home with a few resources to encourage them to continue to explore and learn. They each received a pocket guide to Special Needs as well as one on Discipline. We also made sure that each classroom had these as well.

Don’t be shy about using outsiders to help in your training. We benefited a great deal from CEF and our visiting teacher. Consider reaching out to local organizations. If your children’s ministry has a number of children with autism ask the local Autism Society for resources and if they are available to come speak to your group. The one in El Paso just happens to have an office at our church, First Presbyterian. Chances are there is a support group in your area with the expertise and experience for the kids that frequent your ministry.

Parents Can Help

And by help I do not mean in the classroom with their child. While some children’s ministries thrive on requiring parents to occasionally help out on a rotating bases, I do not recommend this for special needs parents. Many times these parents are exhausted. They have been the primary care giver all week long and are in need of refreshment. If their desire is to be in the classroom, then by all means let them, but do not hold it up as a requirement.

When I first began teaching Children’s Church about 1/3 of the class was on the autism spectrum. I had zero experience and zero knowledge of autism. So I asked a parent. “What can I do to not feel so overwhelmed and to know how to be effective?” Sometimes answers come in the form of fun assignments. She recommended I watch, the then brand new show, Parenthood. Watching the young boy Max struggle in social settings and watching his parents work with the world around them opened my eyes to a world I had not yet been a part of. (Parenthood is available on Netflix and Hulu). I developed an appetite for stories, blogs, and shows with autistic children.

Ask the parents what you can do to better help their child. There were times I felt very overwhelmed and clueless as to what to do. Share with the parents that you are out of your element and would love recommendations on how to better minister to their child. My struggles prompted one mother to ask her ABA Therapist to attend on Sunday mornings. Just by observing her interactions with the child I was able to pick up a few skills to engage and interact with the others.

Parents know their children better then anyone else. We need to listen. We also need to provide the parent with an atmosphere of comfort, a place where they can open up, let go, and grow. Consider hosting a Small Group or Sunday School just for these parents. In the past we have used Unlocking the Treasure: A Bible Study for Moms Entrusted with Special Needs Children by Bev Rooseboom.

You do not have to have a big church to reach out to these families, only a big heart.

Be More Aware

Educate yourself. Get to know the parents. Get to know the kids. Love on both. Remember that ministry is never about me. Ministry is about serving God and His people, ALL His people.

A close friend whose the mother of a boy with Cerebral Palsy shared with me that how we word things can sometimes hinder involvement. For instance we often word classroom qualifications with the standard of being potty trained. Her son is well past the age that we would consider diaper changing but it is still a necessity in his world. Rewording or adding a phrase like “special circumstances considered” or “parent will be contacted if a changing is needed” makes the parent know that they will be accepted without having to fight for it. When the flyer is sent home and suggests no compromise, the parent may choose to stay home rather then engage in another battle. Be aware of your audience and who may be reading or listening to announcements.

This mother chose the church she attends in part because of the leadership’s acceptance of her son. The pastor informed the childcare workers that they were not to require her help in the children’s area, that she was to be free to attend service. So for one hour a week, she sits amongst adults and enjoys worship.

Ministry is not about the one serving, it is about those we serve and who we serve for.

Blessings

It is not only you giving a blessing when you work with special needs families. Here is the spoiler. They will bless you beyond belief. You will be stretched, you will learn to love in ways you never knew possible, and be loved back. You will develop new skills, new passions, and lifelong friends.

My charge to you is to continue to grow. Continue to learn about those you serve. Read stories and blogs, find movies with special needs characters, watch documentaries and invest in magazines and courses. Talk to the parents and others involved in their children’s care giving and education.

An additional resource I would recommend is iDisciple. While preparing for this post I visited Family Christian and was recommended this resource. It is $4.99 a month and comes with a host of articles, Bible studies, sermons, radio clips, and music.

Here are just a few of the sound clips and articles I found on iDisciple to encourage and equip you to minister to families with special needs kids. May the stories of others, God’s Word, and the desire to be relevant guide you in your ministry to others.

• How Much Pain is Enough? by Joni Eareckson Tada (19:28)
• A Special Heart (16:52)
• How to Change Someone’s Life by Joyce Meyer (article)
• Children Identified with Intellectual Problems (00:43)