Yesterday, I shared with you the joy I have at my daughter’s survival and the utter brokenness we both feel. If you missed it you can read it here: How can I feel broken and blessed all at once.

Survivor’s Guilt, according to Dr. Kevin Ellers in his lecture Survivor’s Guilt & Fostering Resiliency (Part of www.LightUniversity.com‘s Stress & Trauma Care with Military Application Training Program), has a typical and broader defintion:

[featured-image single_newwindow=”false”]

• Typical Definition -Wondering “Why them and not me” after surviving a traumatic incident in which others lost their lives.

• Broader Definition-The “if only”statements that can color, or discolor, the rest of a person’s life.

Dr. Ellers goes on to explain that Survivor’s Guilt has a different explanation for each person who experiences it. If you work with Military in any aspect (volunteer, Chaplin, Pastor, even friend) I highly recommend Light’ University’s 30 Hour Certificate Training Program Stress & Trauma Care with Military Applications. If your experience is in the civilian world then I recommend their training program Caring for People God’s Way. I have received a certificate in both and walked away with a much greater understanding of how to help those around me, and when to help them seek professional care.

As a military spouse I often hear the term applied to battle. By definition it occurs in any traumatic event where one survives and one does not. While soldiers experience this scenario more often, survivors guilt does not just refer to a period of war. Anyone who has experienced great loss or trauma and has walked away from it when others have not may in fact be in the midst of survivor’s guilt.

In our scenario it is being cancer free while friends and their children are still fighting the battle.

It is amazing to me that one man’s dream has had such an impact on so many lives. Danny Thomas made a pledge to St. Jude, the patron saint of lost causes, that if he helped Danny find his way in life that Danny would build him a shrine. St. Jude Children’s Hospital was the result of that pledge. You can read more of the story HERE.

There are many directions that tragedy can take us. We can get stuck in the depression of survivors guilt or we can do great things, like Danny Thomas, with the life we were given and pay it forward.

If you are suffering from survivors guilt there are steps you can take to live fully and honor your loved ones. Real Warriors has a great article Coping with Survivor Guilt & Grief. Their advice is written for soldiers but holds true for all of us.

Right now my little survivor is helping me write a blog post about her new eye. We chronicled the entire experience in pictures and hope to have it ready for you soon. It is her way of paying it forward by creating a picture diary of sorts for children who are facing enucleation.

What are some of the ways you can or are using your experiences to pay it forward? We would love to hear about them in the comments below.

If you’ve been touched by the impact St. Jude has had on our lives know that there are many WAYS TO HELP children who are battling cancer or will one day.