*Spoiler Alert* If you haven’t seen Avengers: Infinity War and hate spoilers, then read no further. My friend and fellow army spouse, Meredith Flory, shares her mom thoughts on watching the Avengers beat stuff up. I’m excited to introduce you to this amazing military spouse, writer, and friend. Love her nerdy humor and her ability to craft words. Share with us in the comments how your view of movies have changed over the years. We’d love to hear your perspective!
Eight Mom Thoughts on Avengers: Infinity War
by Meredith Flory
The first movie in the MCU came out when I was twenty-three and in my first year of marriage. As a lover of serial novels and well-done continuity on television, I was excited about the possibility of a superhero cinematic series that wouldn’t forget that another movie with that character had just come out three years ago, and I haven’t been disappointed in the following ten years. (However, I was begrudgingly won over by Tom Holland’s Spider-Man considering I saw one of the Maguire movies on a date in high school and now Aunt May might be the closest thing to a relatable character I have in the MCU)
In those ten years, my viewing experience has also drastically changed, from that of youthful optimism, sitting in the theater with a whole row of friends and marvelling over the movie with a drink afterwards thinking I should work out more, to now sneaking out straight to the theater and back on a Monday evening at 6:30 PM when my friend can watch the kids and feeling like I’m basically aging in the exact opposite way Chris Pratt is so I’m just gonna go ahead and eat this spoonful of Nutella while I watch Youtube theories for the next one because my circle of friends willing to invest time and conversation in nerdy things has significantly shrunk.
Therefore, the questions and thoughts that I had post Iron-Man are vastly different from this list of questions a mom in her mid-thirties has for Infinity War.
Also, if you haven’t seen Infinity War yet, please hire a babysitter and go before reading this and getting mad at me for spoilers.
#1 How do the Avengers pee?
Did Tony Stark build in a water reclamation system in Spider-Man’s new space worthy suit? He seems like someone who drinks a lot of juice boxes and they were in space without a bathroom for a long time, so I couldn’t figure out if Peter wasn’t “feeling so good” because his Spidey-senses told him the snap was coming or because he was developing a kidney infection.
#2 How do the Avengers make beards looks so nice?
When my husband takes leave of work from the military and grows a beard and stays in hotel rooms, the scratchiness just makes me not want to make out with him, so can Steve Rogers please share with the room what product he’s putting in that touchable beard so we can all benefit from the knowledge?
#3 Why is everyone on the internet mad at Peter Quill?
Are you calmly controlling your emotions around your in-laws at Christmas? He just punches Thanos in the face for killing his girlfriend, you are passively aggressively posting on social media because dinner is at an inconvenient time and you’re getting unsolicited parenting advice (which, admittedly, can make you wish you had a space gun).
#4 Why doesn’t Doctor Strange put his breakables up higher?
Doctor Strange’s Sancto Sanctorum is basically that friend’s house you never want to take your kids to because everything they own is breakable and your kids think they are the Avengers, beating each other up and leaning on everything.
Sorry Mom.
#5 Being a superhero means beating up your sibling.
After several movies of watching Thor and Loki together and Nebula and Gamora duke it out, I feel like I should be really relieved for the inevitable puberty years that I have one boy and one girl.
#6 The future lets people fly in space, but still can’t understand healthcare for women.
How does Tony Stark build suits with nanobots in them, but rely on dreams to figure out if his fiancee is pregnant? Is he just one of those men that’s like “the female body is a mystery” and not even know if she’s on birth control, because her reaction seems to suggest that she is and I feel like if not and they were trying, it would be within character for him to have a computer assistant capable of tracking all aspects of her health. To be fair, this is a constant problem in science fiction, as Padme can’t get good maternity care in Star Wars (they seriously didn’t even know she was having twins), but they have hyperspace travel.
#7 Thanos seems to be really amused by bubbles.
You know who else is amused by bubbles and is stronger than you expect? Toddlers. I think the Avengers are trying to discipline him incorrectly. They should probably try to distract him with bubbles and playdough instead of coming at him head on. Or maybe the Guardians were right about the power of a dance party?
#8 And finally, while it’s not specifically about the movie, if you are going to make the rest of us tired thirty-somethings feel like lesser mortals MCU actors, I have a suggestion…
There’s a lot of contests, raffles, and giveaways to win tickets to Avengers premiers and late night talk show hosts surprising fans with appearances by the actors and while that’s nice and how fun to meet your fav celebrities, why isn’t there a fundraiser to win like six months of using one of their personal trainers with childcare available, so that if we randomly ran into them in an airport we’d feel worthy of talking? I bet that would sell a lot more tickets and I’ll be looking on Omaze for you all to take my advice.
Meredith Flory is a freelance writer, military spouse, and mom. She has a master’s degree in children’s literature from Kansas State University and has previously taught at the high school and college level. Her Raising Readers column can be read monthly in Augusta Family Magazine and you can find her on Facebook and Pinterest @MerediththeMom and Twitter @meredithflory
Featured Image by Joe Gardner on Unsplash
