Currently, I am at St Jude with my daughters. We are surrounded by families fighting for their children’s lives. Some will win, some won’t.
Today, 6/22/2012, the hospital is celebrating their 50 year anniversary. This place has meant so much to us in the 5 years we have been here. It has taught us that cancer is beatable, that life is precious, and that one man’s promise and vision can truly change the world.
As a summer study the women at Sunrise Baptist are reading Linda Dillow’s book, What’s It Like Being Married To Me? And Other Dangerous Questions.
The book is an amazing eye opener into what life must look like for my husband, and let me tell you its not all rainbows and unicorns. (I guess if we are truly talking through his eyes I should say, it’s not the land of the ewoks.)
If you know me, you know, my house isn’t always clean, there is usually a pile or two of laundry screaming at me from the couch and clutters of paper and art work amidst piles of books. But this book isn’t really about external clues is it. It’s deeper. While the externals do contribute to my husband’s overall feelings of being desired and adored, what is essential to our marriage is my attitude.
In some of my worst nightmares, I am alone. Fear of living consumes me and I become a fat old hermit who swats at dreams like flies. Instead of reaching for my goals the worst of nightmares becomes remaining, staying. I become nothing more than who I am today.
In some of my best dreams there are ten of me. I climb the stairs to my flat in Italy where my three green-eyed children and my Doctor wait. I study, I sleep, I start dreams. In the summer we travel. Safari through the Garden of Eden—Kenya, tour castles throughout Europe, snorkel off Australia, trace ancestors in Ireland, Eskimo kiss in Alaska, dream of America in Boston… I will write, travel and never stop studying. In my best dreams I never stop evolving in to the vision of me.
I wrote that little bit, which has haunted me daily, nearly 10 years ago. Dreaming is not my only nemesis. I am a planner. When I dream I plan. Minute details plague the path from point A to point B and on and on to point Z. I am nothing like the person who wrote that little bit 10 years ago. My life has not turned out to be the dream I dreamed then. It is richer, more involved, and gritty.
