It’s time to discuss the effect of PTS(D) on our military families, not just the soldiers.

I had the opportunity to join Pastor Nicole Golden on her podcast Scar Stories. Pastor Nicole is a strong advocate for mental health and shares from her heart about her personal struggles. When she offered space for me to share our family’s journey with PTS I knew it would be a safe place to do so.

You can listen to the interview here. We are discussing hard topics and this discussion does come with a trigger warning around trauma. Before you begin take care of yourself, find a comfortable spot, and settle into my family’s Scar Story: PTS(d).

Follow up from the interview:

PTS vs PTSD or PTS(D) terminology

If you are interested in diving deeper into the use of PTS versus PTSD I suggest reading The Recovery Village’s article on the use of these terms. The language we use to describe mental health conditions does matter. It’s an issue of empowerment and a look forward towards healing rather than hopelessness.

Our marriage after the military

John and I have had a difficult go of things in our relationship. Cancer, deployments, chronic pain, and PTS(D) were not part of the “happy ever after” we thought we signed up for.

The extra time we spent together was terrifying at the beginning of the pandemic and stay-at-home orders. I thought for sure our marriage wouldn’t survive, some days I’m still not certain. As someone whose written a book on military marriage and looking for the joy in every circumstance, that’s a hard truth to admit publicly.

All five of us have learned to slow down and be more honest about our feelings and our struggles during this time. Yes, it means there are more tears and more fights, but it also means we are each learning to speak up and fight against the silence.

We are learning to navigate the hard, to find strength in community, and to not hide our thoughts (no matter how frightening it is to share) from one another.

I’ve been sharing our marriage after the military journey over at We Are The Mighty. This is us. The ugly parts and the beautiful, the broken bits, and the healing. I don’t know what tomorrow will bring and while I can’t offer marriage advice I can share the truths about our own and let you know if you are walking the same difficult journey through PTS(D) with a spouse, you are not alone.

• 3 hard truths about what marriage is like after military life
• 4 tips for navigating marriage and military retirement at the same time
• 3 important lessons for navigating marriage after the military (and during quarantine)

Finding Joy: The Year Apart That Made Me A Better Wife

You can purchase a copy of Finding Joy here. If you purchase it through PayPal leave me a note and I will sign it for you. There are only a limited number of books currently available as I am working on a second edition.

What’s to come?

On November 11, 2020, Proud to Be: Writing By American Warriors vol 9 will be available at Southeast Missouri University Press. My essay titled One Tiny Soldier is included in this edition. It is a creative essay that dives into the importance of carrying one another’s suffering. No one person can carry the trauma of war alone, nor should they be expected to.

Be sure to follow Pastor Nicole at www.nicolegolden.org. She has some great things coming and I’m excited to watch her as she shares more of her story!

Thanks for watching and listening friends! If you’re interested in discussing this topic further, leave a comment below.