Same lesson. New story.

I’m a slow learner. A few weeks ago I preached on Hagar, The Other Wife and shared that there are some lessons I have to learn over and over. One of those lessons is trust. It’s simple really.

“Be still and know that I am God.”- Psalm 46:10

Hagar learned it at the well when she encountered the God who sees, I’ve learned it before as I wrestled with my doubt and my grief through our daughters cancer. And I was reminded of it again this weekend.

I’m on the verge of sending our children to public school. The decision has been made. It’s only weeks away. Up until now we have homeschooled for various reasons: trips to St. Jude and a freedom of our schedule were only two of our reasons. Our trips to St. Jude are now only yearly and things have changed a great deal in our home over the last year. There is only one major con to sending my kids to school… fear.

Specifically my fear.

This is not a commentary on why or why not others choose to homeschool. However, as I sit and evaluate my reasons I discover that I am afraid. I struggle with trusting that my children are safe. Some of it is irrational while some has been learned over time. My children have not had the easy life of scraped knees and arguments with friends. They’ve struggled with adult size trauma. While one day, maybe, we can all look back and laugh and talk about how it made us all stronger… this mom doesn’t want that for her children.

I want them to be children.

For the last year we have been struggling with this decision, mostly because I do not want to let go. Surprisingly it was a swimming accident and a trip to the ER this weekend for one of my girls that reminded me how no matter how much I think I am in control of life that I am not. Moments and difficulties will arise. I can not protect my children forever from that. So I am learning to let go a little at a time and trust that God cares for my babies. It’s hard for me to even type that. It’s head knowledge but not fully engrained in my heart.

I’m still in process.

Still learning to trust.

Letting go is just one more step in that direction.

This week I linked up with these wonderful ladies to talk about the end of summer and the start of school. Be sure to check out their posts as well. If they look familiar it’s because last month we linked up to discuss Praying for Our Nation.